Uncategorized – Page 2 – Panic! With Your Gym Bro

Glow Up Day 2

Before June slips away from us like the rest of 2025 has, Happy PRIDE Month! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ I’m on Day 2 of the 100-Day Glow Up Plan! You can start your Glow Up at anytime, but there is no time like the present. Week 1 Theme: Reset routines. Unfollow negativity. Start a feel-good playlist. •I’ve almostContinue reading “Glow Up Day 2”

Track It Like It’s 2005: Fitness Wearables That Actually Help You

Because if you’re going to have anxiety, at least let it count your steps. In the age of nostalgia playlists and lifting heavy to Hawthorne Heights, your fitness grind deserves more than a basic step counter. Whether you’re leveling up in the gym, dialing in your recovery, or trying to outpace your burnout, fitness wearablesContinue reading “Track It Like It’s 2005: Fitness Wearables That Actually Help You”

Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out

The Underrated Power of Walking: Why It’s One of the Best Things You Can Do for Your Body and Mind (Especially if You’re an Elder Emo) When it comes to fitness trends, walking often gets overshadowed by intense workouts and shiny new fitness fads. But walking—yes, just walking—is one of the most accessible and underratedContinue reading “Walk It Out, Now Walk It Out”

Let’s get it started

Starting your fitness and healthy lifestyle journey as an elder emo can be both exciting and overwhelming. The key is to make it sustainable and fun, so it aligns with your interests and lifestyle. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you ease into it: 1. Set Realistic Goals • Start with small, achievable goals (e.g.,Continue reading “Let’s get it started”

Office Workouts for Elder Emos Stuck in the 9-5 Abyss

Let’s be real—office jobs are the ultimate slow death. You sit for eight (or more) hours, staring at a screen, slowly morphing into a corporate cryptid while your spine crumbles and your soul begs for escape. If you’re feeling more My Chemical (Desk) Romance than My Chemical Romance, it’s time to sneak in some movementContinue reading “Office Workouts for Elder Emos Stuck in the 9-5 Abyss”

The Ultimate Elder Emo Guide to Starting a Workout Program

Because We’re Not Okay (But We Can Be!) So, you’ve spent years in the pit, screaming your heart out to MCR and Taking Back Sunday, but now your knees sound like an Underoath breakdown? It’s time to start a workout program that keeps your body from giving out before the next reunion tour. Whether you’reContinue reading “The Ultimate Elder Emo Guide to Starting a Workout Program”